Resolutions 2026

 

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Sometimes it happens that you write something that is just not good. You figure it’s not worth saving. The only thing you can do is delete it and start over. That’s when you say to yourself, “Okay, so that happened. Begin again.” That’s where I am right now. I suppose I could consider that deleted page as practice.

I can remember years ago, when I was trying to prove to myself that I wasn’t attached to things as much as I had been. Things: furniture, clothes, whatever. The thing I was most proud of was my writing. I had set out to prove to myself I was a writer by doing something Ray Bradbury had suggested. He’d heard somewhere that an artist couldn’t really be called an artist until they’d painted 100 paintings. This sounded logical to me.

So, Ray Bradbury said to himself that he would consider himself a writer after he’d written a million words. That, too, sounded logical to me. I decided to follow suit. Now, when you go on the internet, they say Ray Bradbury never said such a thing, but he said things that were close, like a writer should write 1,000 words a day and at the end of a year’s time, they’d have slightly over a million words written. Actually, writing 1,000 words a day will get you 365,000 words written. You'd really need to write 3,000 words a day to get to 1,095,000 words written which more than satisfies the one million words mark. 

The idea of writing so much is that a lot of crap needs to go through the mill before you get a good product. It just takes a lot of writing before you get better. He also said he wrote millions of words before he sold his first story, so hey, a legendary quote is born.

Over one year of writing in my personal journal, I counted words. At the time, I eventually found it tiring to come up with a word count for every day I wrote. In those days asking for a word count on large documents took a long time. I moved to doing a rough count first and found I was getting about 600 words per page. I moved on from there and just counted pages. At the end of the year, I had written 1.25 million words. Give or take. 

What did I do with it? I deleted it. I wanted to see how I felt after I’d done it. I have to tell you it took a great deal of courage on my part to let that writing go. Most of it was me working through my personal stuff, which continues to this day. I was a grown-up still growing up. I’d thought by then I would have been finished doing that, but it turns out you never stop growing. Unless, of course, I was so backward and wrong that I’m the only one in the world who hadn’t been able to reach a maturity worthy of being called an adult.

Turns out a lot of people are like that. Except they also go around assuming they are mature enough to conduct their lives without hurting other people.

Years after that, I had to deal with a father who was bipolar and likely a flaming narcissist at the same time. Remember, though, God doesn’t give you more than you can handle, and I suppose I needed to go through that to learn how to forgive and love myself.

So, here I am at the age of 70. The new year is upon us, and it’s around this time that I always think of resolutions for the coming year. What I have done for so many years is come up with a huge list of stuff I want to accomplish. I never get it done. Never.

So, this year I figured I’d do something different. I would choose three things to do. The ‘rule’ would be that it was either something new or a continuation of something else I’d been doing. Many times, one year just isn’t long enough to completely do something.

Here are my three:

•Write every day, no matter what.
• Channel every day on paper, no matter what.
• Once a month, devote 4 hours to bookkeeping.

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       Love, 
🌺 Pauline Evanosky

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