Feeling Happier in Difficult Times

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The only thing in this world that you can count on is yourself. Really. It doesn’t matter who is in office and what they are doing. If you have the energy, raise your voice and speak to your government representatives.

If you don’t have the energy for it and feel beaten down, well, that’s what I am thinking about.

Think of it this way. If you are in a dismal mood, it doesn’t matter one whit what the weather is outside, the health of your bank account, or even your own health. Dismal feelings can pull you down. Bad moods have always been able to pull us down and will continue to derail all our good intentions unless we do something about them.

You can change your feelings. My first assault with bad feelings happens when I listen to the news or to social media. I am not really in a position to speak loudly. I’m too old. My health isn’t in the best shape, and I want to protect it. I’ve got a big job to do, and that is to write. Specifically, to write uplifting things for people. If I’m paying attention, I will stick to the parrots and parakeets on YouTube.

My solution for annoying situations, pretty much my entire life, is to either wait because we would be moving eventually (13 schools in 12 years as an Army brat) or walk away. I have lived in the same place for the last 36 years, so the moving idea isn’t really part of the plan anymore.

Going back to the idea that you cannot change anybody but yourself, and also the other idea of it is nobody’s responsibility to make you happy, then, the only thing you can do is find ways to address yourself.

Nobody else is your responsibility. You cannot change them. You will never be able to. This also harks to the idea of couples who split up because one or the other of them either won’t change or has changed. Either you adapt or you leave.

Having patience, being mature about things, being understanding, and getting away from harmful influences in your life is a good thing. Can’t do that because it is your job, and you have to keep your job? Learn how to find inspiration in a bad job. If you look hard enough, you will find it. It is difficult, but you will be a better person for doing it.

See, you can learn good things from bad situations.

In this instance, my bad mood is an opportunity to somehow turn it into a good mood, either in the short term or in the long term.

Long-term, I’d think about some therapy. Being able to talk to a trained therapist will help you to find your way out of the overwhelming. Yes, they do have medicine for that, but just be careful with it. If you don’t watch out, you might become so dependent on whatever it is that you are unable to stop. I’ve got a couple like that, myself, so I speak from experience. Just be careful. The thing with medications is the list of things to watch out for, and the side effects can sometimes run to ten pages. Who reads that? I didn’t. Unfortunately, I even had some warning. A friend, a psychotherapist, warned me. I thought I knew better. I didn’t. So, I can tell you. Just be cautious.

Maybe this would be like quitting smoking. Before I quit smoking, the addiction was so bad that I was unable to go into libraries or movie theaters for years. Just because I couldn’t smoke, I can remember back when my husband and I had little money, and we wanted to spend $300 on a system to play CDs, which had a radio back in the days when people still had radios to listen to. I hyperventilated in the store and had to go out to the parking lot for a cigarette, like a cigarette was going to help with hyperventilating. But that’s what I did. I was, plain and simple, really hooked.

I tried to quit many times. It feels like it must have been 200 times. Perhaps it was more. I can’t imagine it being less. Each time I failed, I kept trying. I remember many times when I could only stay smoke-free for 20 minutes at a time. I can remember putting all my cigarettes in the glove compartment in the car. Then, at two in the morning, I’d have to go creeping around outside to find one to smoke. It wasn’t until after I’d finally stopped smoking that I realized every time I’d quit and failed was not a failure but just another step toward success. I remember thinking that if I didn’t have a cigarette, I wouldn’t be able to think properly. Turns out that was wrong. I can think just fine.

In fact, this morning I realized there was a better way to hard-boil eggs, straight from the fridge. I let the water come to a boil, add some salt to strengthen the shells, and a splash of white vinegar to prevent too much white coming out of the egg if it cracks. Then, I’ll dip two or three eggs at a time in and out of the water to temper them because I haven’t thought far enough ahead to let them come to room temperature. I don’t know how many times I dip them in and out. It’s probably different each time. If I were to put a number on it, I’d say at least five or six times.

This time, though, I switched things around. After I’d dipped the eggs the usual five or six times, I put them back in the egg carton until I’d finished tempering all the eggs. That was the difference, and don’t you know, it was key to having perfectly hard-boiled eggs! When I picked the eggs back up from the carton, they were room temperature, so I put them back into what was now simmering water. I brought it back up to a near boil, set the timer for 12 minutes, and walked away. Oh, and once they were done, instead of pouring the hot water down the drain, I poured it into our pan of dishwater. I figured the salt and tiny bit of vinegar would never hurt the dishes, though I might think twice if I had silver in the water, but I don’t, so I figured it was a win-win situation. I’ve been hard-boiling eggs for over fifty years, and I just figured out the perfect plan. Yes, you can always learn new things.

Maybe it is possible to approach the bad news around us in the same way.

Okay, so stay away from the news> If you can’t stay away from it, limit yourself to one day a week, or once a day. You decide how often you need to read the news. Or maybe find a source for good news. I wish I knew of a way to turn off the ads that come in smacking me in the face each time. If you’ve got any suggestions other than reporting them for being in bad taste or just that you don’t want to see them anymore, tell me.

If you’ve got any people in your life who bring you bad news, tell them you can’t talk to them anymore and tell them why. Or, if you want to be polite about it, every time they interject bad news, harp on something, or complain about something in your conversations, interrupt them and say you have to go or that you don’t want to hear about it anymore.

If you like to write, think in terms of making this person the next obnoxious character you write about. That it is your sister, or your sister-in-law, makes it all that much more interesting. You get to vent your spleen. A psychotherapist would likely have fun with my situation, saying I need more therapy. I probably do. I’m just spit-balling ideas of how to remove yourself from negative things rapidly.

That same friend who warned me of the consequences of taking mood-altering drugs also told me once that adding to a diet was easier than feeling in a state of deprivation. Sure, and that is what happens in a diet: you deprive yourself of all the fattening foods that are not good for you. He said to add healthy foods to your diet. Instead of taking things away, just add new things. Or, like I’ve amended that suggestion to substitute fruit or something healthy for chocolate or whatever is the fat food I can’t stay away from. Maybe two meals a week can be vegetarian. Tonight, I suggested a rice, vegetable dish. My husband rolled his eyes, so I’ll be doing something else. Soup always works. It also helps us avoid having the offending food in the house.

What else could you do? Bring in daily good stuff for your head. Regularly read ten minutes or so in a motivational book. It’s like food for the mind. Or, with writing. Purposely write about good stuff. You don’t have to show anybody or say what you are doing. I make it a practice to write short “Good” pieces every morning as my day begins. They can run anywhere from 25 words to 300 words. If they are good enough, you can make a Facebook post out of them. Sometimes I will have a word that I return to day after day until I either get tired of it or just find a new one. I remember hope, for me is always a good word to write about.

Or do some healthy movements—stretching, for example. As a writer, everything gets cramped up when spending long hours at your desk. The same thing would happen to you if you’re working all day at a desk. Hold onto a windowsill or the kitchen counter and do some tippy-toe lifts—or some half pushups from the counter. Go outside and walk for at least 10 minutes. Take the dog for a walk. Please, they would love it. And pick up their poo, while you are at it.

What else? Say a prayer if you want to. Ask for an assist getting out of your grumpy mood. Somebody always hears your prayers. Maybe, this time, they will help.

Thanks for reading.

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Love,

🌺 Pauline Evanosky

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