Just a Different Sort of Life Lesson

It’s interesting to me how I used to say things like, “I’ll get past this,” meaning it’s a hard spot or situation, and all I have to do is hold on tight enough, grit my teeth, and I’d get to the other side. It occurred to me just now that it’s not about moving past something; it's more about moving through things.

It’s a journey. What went before is not forgotten, nor was it unnecessary. I don’t want to forget what happened so much as have whatever went before be a part of the weft and weave of the present.

I suppose feeling more in control of my life at this point is what I am feeling. Before, I was a stone being thrown here and there in the ocean. I was reacting to things, some good and some bad. There was a polarization present.

Now, I’m wondering if everything that happened, the good, the bad, and the other, was a choice on my part and not just me being buffeted about.

I suppose I’m just trying to put it all into perspective. Besides, when you focus on one thing, you don’t easily notice the other stuff.

Perhaps, the trick is to have a center, a normal to return to. Perhaps, a bit of a ritual that happens periodically. For me, it is something that would need to happen once a day. If I don’t do it once a day, whatever it is, I tend to drift. I know, I’ve done it, time and time again.

It’s like a dream, where I nod off in my chair and as my head falls forward, I awaken, startled, and am back in the present.

I’m reminded of Thomas Edison, who, the story goes, would lie upon his workbench for a quick nap. He held some metal balls in one hand, and as he relaxed into his nap, the balls would fall to the floor and awaken him, refreshed and ready to go on inventing things.

Thanks for reading.

🌺 Pauline Evanosky

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